No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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