Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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