Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
