covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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