shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
