Already got asked if we're dating
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
