Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
