You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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