I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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