i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
