if you like me you must not know who I am
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
