Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
