how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
