i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
