you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
