nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
