Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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