I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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