Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize