I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
