I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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