thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
