How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i have two assholes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
