Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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