So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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