I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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