Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
