i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
