Welp...herpes.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
