I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
