I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
