fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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