Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
