It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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