my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
