I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize