just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
