I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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