I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
