she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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