butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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