Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
