never play flip cup with pint glasses
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
