im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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