chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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