We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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