i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
