If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize