hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
