There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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