i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize