First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
