I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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