i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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