so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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