Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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