nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
