I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
