i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
