Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
