and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
