Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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