Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
