She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
