I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i would punch a child for taco bell
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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