It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize